The Gideonse Bible   With the beard? Yeah, you!

• You'd think Facebook would be able to handle Sunday morning traffic a little better. #
• I want to introduce something to the floor. It's called your panties. http://is.gd/7qKUm #
• Steven Colbert is NOT killing tonight. #grammys #
• Zach Brown Band: Hot bears. Too bad they're boring. #grammys #
• Indie rock snobs may be angry. But "Use Somebody" deserved to win Record of the Year. #grammys #
• The bad poets in my poetry class write better lyrics than Taylor Swift. Sing better, too. She was flat, sharp, embarrassing. #grammys #
• I wonder what Smokey's Robinson's botoxed forehead looks like in 3-D. #grammys #
• Mary J. Blige would sing a duet with a shrub. #grammys #
• Again: Taylor Swift is a giant no-talent. The scientists who created her must be very happy. #grammys #gaga #
• Lil Wayne, Eminem, and Drake just explained why we need more #pantsontheground. #grammys #
• There was an earthquake? #
• It is unconscionable that Obama and the military are claiming that they need a study on gays serving openly. Don't delay. Vote. #DADT #
• And suddenly I'm doing fieldwork. OMG. #
• RT @dceiver: Whoever wrote "I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself" as their Facebook status has won the evening. #
• Martinis, steaks, and birthdays at The Turf Club http://loopt.us/9×696g.t #
• Does anyone know how to easily make an animate photo collage? Moving pictures, changing sizes, the like? #
• I <3 encouragement. #
• We're finally watching "Lost" and … it's still the best TV show ever. #
• I find it amusing that I am on the Heritage Foundation's mailing list. #
• Do it to me one more time. #
• I have a tattoo of a mermaid doing it with Captain Morgan. #
• What a strange day in San Diego. #
• The Ink Spot in San Diego, CA http://loopt.us/zGDN8w.t #
• If anyone is going keep Democrats in the White House, it's Sarah Palin. She's so stupid, even stupid people know she's stupid. #

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Most Excellence in Being Excellent

An Education. I enjoyed this movie more than any other this year. It was a coming of age tale, but it was unlike any I’d ever seen before. It was about sex and literature, lies and honor, family and love. Carey Mulligan encapsulated all of that and more as the smitten 17-year-old, and Peter Saargard has never been better or sexier as her lothario. I didn’t want the movie to end (and I would have rewritten it). It’s nearly a perfect film.

District 9. Stellar sci-fi like “District 9″ is rare. It’s a parable about our world — in this case, a weird mixture of Guantanamo, anti-immigration strife, and identity politics — that is not masked and undone by cynical Hollywood ploys, like stunt-casting, 3-D glasses, or loud and nonsensical special effects. The script is funny and profound and disturbing and perfectly structured, and the lead actor, Sharlto Copley was funny, cruel, desperate, pathetic, and heroic. And I bought it all.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox. What a weird, hilarious, prickly piece of art. It’s the only Raold Dahl adaptation that really does his bizarre and creepy writing justice. It’s certainly made a little more family friendly than Dahl’s writing is, but it’s still a true artistic vision. I think it’s Wes Anderson’s best movie, as much as I love Rushmore.

The Hurt Locker. You’ve never seen a war movie like this one. Intense, upsetting, unpredictable, horrifying, moving. As David Denby, who I normally loathe, wrote, it is a “classic of tension, fear, and bravery that will be studied twenty years from now.” Yep.

Most Excellence in Morally Challenged Filmmaking

Inglourious Basterds. Yeah, so Tarentino shredded and then collaged together the World War II film narrative, making a post-modern masterpiece. But in doing so, he shredded the morality of the World War II film narrative and collaged together an ultra-violent revenge tale that ends with Jews being just as cruel as the Nazis. And for some reason, people think this is the best movie of year. It is the best made, with the best dialogue, some of the best directed scenes, and it made people talk about it, if not always in a good way. But it themes are abhorrent to me. And immoral.

Most Excellence in Ignoring 30 Years of Discussions on Race and Representation

Avatar. Oh, James Cameron. He made a very pretty, very loud, technically interesting movie with a plot so banal as to be almost offensive: Dance With Wolves meets Fern Gully. But no, it actually was offensive. The blue noble savages were Lakota/Aborigines/Masai/Papuans-wannabes created from racist tropes older than them thar hills that have been critiqued by activists and academics for 40 years. Cameron uses pyschosocial research to create his plots — to make sure they stick like Titanic or Star Wars did — and must have known that he was doing something very, very problematic, but he also knew that tropes, particularly racists ones, work. And he just had to make a billion dollars, so racism be damned when money and Oscars are involved. One of the best things written on this is “When Will White People Stop Making Movies like ‘Avatar.’” And then there is the review to the left, which is hilarious.

Most Excellence in Twee

Up. It was adorable, moving, wildly imaginative, funny-in-a-cute-inoffensive-way, and the best Pixar film since Finding Nemo. I laughed, I cried, but it wasn’t better than The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Most Excellence in Emotional Manipulation

Invictus. How did Clint Eastwood make me feel patriotic? For a country I’ve never been to? Named South Africa? But somehow he did it with his classical perfection, Morgan Freeman’s genius imitation, and working with a historical revisionist script. Mandela was not a saint, but his filmic doppelganger certainly made me cheer for South African rugby players. It helped that they were hot. Matt Damn with muscles — yay!

Most Excellence in Freaking the Hell Out of Me

Where the Wild Things Are. What a disturbing film. Dave Eggers and Spike Jonze took a sweet picture book about little boys and cutesy monsters and created a morality tale about savage desire. As a friend of mine said, “It’s about how your best friend could kill you at any moment.” No wonder parents were outraged that first weekend it came out. It’s a work of genius, but it is not fun and not a children’s movie. At all.

Most Excellence in Anti-Capitalism Propaganda

Up in the Air. I loved the The Informant! — especially Matt Damon’s brilliantly absurd performance — but it wasn’t really about anything, even though it is a story about a multinational corporate crime. Up in Air is about the moral failure of big business, MBA culture, and excellence for excellence’s sake. And its done through two amazing characters studies — George Clooney’s Ryan Bingham and Anna Kendrick’s Natalie Keener. It’s funny and moving and perfectly made, but it is also a bit obvious. Yeah, American capitalism sucks and it makes people sad. Dur.

Most Excellence in Anti-War Propaganda

The Messenger. This is probably the best possible movie that could be made about two men who inform next of kin that a relative has been killed in the line of duty. It’s gut-wrenching and naturalistic, and it’s excellent, and if you want to join the Army after seeing it, you should be locked up. (The Hurt Locker is too complex to be simply an anti-war movie.) Woody Harrelson is fantastic, as always, but so is the amazingly intense Ben Foster, who has been snubbed by the Oscars two years in a row now.

Most Excellence in Poverty Porn

Precious. I twittered “relentless” while watching this Dickensian nightmare. If any movie makes you thank your lucky stars, this is the one. After anything remotely good happens to Precious, something appallingly awful happens immediately. It’s the cruelest narrative I’ve encountered in a long time. Playing the most evil mother since Mommie Dearest, Mo’Nique is amazing — particularly in the second-to-last scene of the film — and Lee Daniels did some wonderful direction, but it is truly pornographic.

My Most Excellent Oscar Pics

Best Picture

• Will win: The Hurt Locker
• Should win: The Hurt Locker
• Snubbed: Invictus and The Messenger. How The Blind Side got nominated…

Best Actress

• Will win: Sandra Bullock
• Should win: Carey Mulligan
• Snubbed: I can’t think of anyone.

Best Actor

• Will win: Jeff Bridges
• Should win: Jeff Bridges, though I haven’t seen Crazy Heart. (Doh.)
• Snubbed: Sharlto Copley for District 9 and Matt Damon for The Informant!

Best Supporting Actress

• Will win: Mo’Nique
• Should win: Mo’Nique
• Snubbed: Julianne Moore. I mean, really.

Best Supporting Actor

• Will win: Christoph Waltz
• Should win: Woody Harrelson
• Snubbed: Stanley Tucci for Julie & Julia. He was nominated for the wrong movie.

Best Director

• Will win: Katherine Bigelow
• Should win: Katherine Bigelow
• Snubbed: Neill Blomkamp

Best Original Screenplay

• Will win: The Hurt Locker
• Should win: The Hurt Locker
• Snubbed: I dunno.

Best Adapted Screenplay

• Will win: Up in the Air
• Should win: District 9
• Snubbed: The Fantastic Mr. Fox

Best Animated Film

• Will win: Up
• Should win: The Fantastic Mr. Fox
• Snubbed: Some people will say Ponyo, I’m sure.

Best Documentary

• Will win: The Cove
• Should win: I don’t know. I’d have to see them. (Doh)
• Snubbed: Capitalism: A Love Story

Best Foreign Language Film

• Will win: The White Ribbon
• Should win: Again: I don’t know. I’d have to see them. (Doh)
• Snubbed: Broken Embraces

Best Editing

• Will win: The Hurt Locker
• Should win: The Hurt Locker

Best Cinematography

• Will win: Avatar
• Should win: The Hurt Locker or The White Ribbon (based only on the trailer).

Best Art Direction

• Will win: Avatar
• Should win: Avatar
• Snubbed: A Single Man. I mean, really. It’s was about art direction.

Best Costume Design

• Will win: Coco Before Chanel
• Should win: Coco Before Chanel. It’s a movie about a fashion designer, after all.
• Snubbed: A Single Man. Bizarre. However, I did hate that angora sweater…

Best Makeup

• Will win: The Young Victoria
• Should win: Star Trek

Best Visual Effects

• Will win: Avatar
• Should win: Avatar

Best Sound Editing

• Will win: The Hurt Locker
• Should win: The Hurt Locker

Best Sound Mixing

• Will win: Avatar
• Should win: Avatar

Best Music, Original Song

• Will win: “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
• Should win: “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
• Snubbed: “9000 Days,” Invictus

Best Music, Original Score

• Will win: Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders, The Hurt Locker
• Should win: Alexandre Desplat, The Fantastic Mr. Fox
• Snubbed: Marvin Hamlisch, The Informant!. Genius. As opposed to James Horner’s Hackery.

Really, do you care about the short films?

• "Precious" is a bit relentless. #
• No business executive of the level of George Clooney's character in "Up in the Air" would choose to fly American Airlines. I mean, really. #
• Alby. OMG, Alby. #biglove #
• I just received FIVE letters from Fidelity confirming my address change. #
• By my count, in "It's Complicated" Meryl and Alec drink enough at the bar in the hotel to kill 50 frat boys. #
• I'm following the #Prop8 trial (http://is.gd/76GEo), and I can't imagine how the pro-Prop 8 side could think they have a prayer of winning. #
• It's telling the pro-Prop 8 side is using an anti-gay ideologue as an expert in a trial about whether #Prop8 was born from anti-gay animus. #
• No one, no where. / @Chris_Stoll B: Marriage is what "scholars" (who?) call a "natural institution" (where?) #prop8 #
• I became nauseated by Blankenhorn's abuse and misuse of anthropological data to trash my marriage, so I went to get my hair cut. #prop8 #
• RT @TheAdvocateMag: Boies begins cross-exam. Blankenhorn on stand, drinking a bottle of "Smart Water." Hope it helps. #prop8 #
• The freaks are really, really on parade tonight. #americanidol #
• Methinks @ADFMedia has been infiltrated by a pro-gay mole — no other excuse for how badly they're doing. Their witnesses are jokes. #prop8 #
• I couldn't care less about Apple's latest over-priced toy. So, I <3 Twitter's trending topics. http://yfrog.com/1ditamponp #
• ABC canceled "Ugly Betty" and yet allows the crime against humanity known as "Grey's Anatomy" continue. Fuckers. #
• RT @mxjustinbond: Tell us, Mr. President, what's not going to happen next? #
• GROSS / RT @notlarrysabato McDonnell's response to O will be in building where Jefferson Davis inaugurated as Confederate President #
• RT @mxjustinbond: I love a fiscal hole… #SoTU #
• RT @JoeMyGod: @mxjustinbond I love a *tight* fiscal hole. #SOTU #
• The antidote to SOTU is clearly NPH. #americanidol #
• Please stop mocking delusional gay boys. Please! #americanidol #
• Tourette syndrome? Really? How many disease-of-the-week contestants can they have? #americanidol #
• Little known fact: Jim Garlow and the Jonas Brothers <3 each other. #americanidol #prop8 #
• John McCain is an old, homophobic PTSD survivor. He's a dolt and should be ignored. #dadt #
• Auchincloss, Zinn, and now the third: "J. D. Salinger Dies at 91" ( http://bit.ly/9qsDcQ ). I'm rather devastated. #
• I just texted to Rob "Love you top" instead of "Love you too." #
• Chicken breasts are 33% cheaper at Albertson's than Ralph's. #
• Yay, Rob's back. Now someone else can pick up Hermia's poop. #
• The finale of "Dollhouse" worked in its own bittersweet way. Too bad the last six episodes were the only really good ones. #
• The AIDSphobia on "Law & Order: SVU" tonight is so 80s. #

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• It's really hard to read Foucault in the original French when you can neither speak nor read French. #
• When I bought my car, I should have checked the spare tire. Because I need to use it right now, and it's blown out. #
• Discount Tire is a misnomer. #
• Before I saw "Daybreakers," I already had a Band-Aid on my neck. A bat should screech ominously about … now. http://yfrog.com/33bzxhj #
• Tell me why. Ain't nothin' but a heartache. Ain't nothin' but a mistake. I never wanna hear you say. I want it that way. #idiotsavantlyrics #
• Why in the world would Rossum have their headquarters in Tuscon? #dollhouse #
• I'm really bummed that all of the reviews I wrote for Newsweek.com in the 90s have been wiped from the Internet. #
• Ricky Gervais is doing a great job of skewering everyone and himself. #
• Who is Juliana Margulies's hot husband? #goldenglobes #
• Amy Adams looks she just had a quickie in the women's loo. #goldenglobes #
• T-bone Streep, FTW. #goldenglobes #
• Chloe Sevigny's poor dress. #goldenglobes #
• Put some clothes on, Halle. #goldenglobes #
• Martin Scorcese, blah, blah, blah. #
• James Cameron, blah, blah, blah. Talking in his own made-up language, really? At least he was randomly generous to his ex. #goldenglobes #
• Gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! #goldenglobes #
• "The Hangover" … er … hmm. #goldenglobes #
• Arnold's managed to make jokes about the state budget, NBC, and James Cameron. Thank you, California. #goldenglobes #
• Suddenly, I hate the Golden Globes and Robert Downey, Jr. #goldenglobes #
• Jeff Bridges is so very, very handsome. #goldenglobes #
• I now loathe James Cameron now more than ever did. #goldenglobes #
• RT @LeeHouck: James Cameron's dickhead speech epitomizes the grossness of Hollywood. #
• Mules, Scots, and scatology at Starlight http://loopt.us/yNLvfw.t #
• Does anyone have a screener of "Informant!"? #
• Oh, it's an actual storm. I thought it was just typical SoCal "OMG! It's WET! We're all going to DIE!" hysteria. http://bit.ly/8hI3yK #
• Is Nelson Mandela as saintly in reality as he is in "Invictus"? #
• Tamlyn Tomita! #heroes #
• Sad: Rufus and Martha's mom died. RT @davidfarre Kate McGarrigle dies of cancer. http://bit.ly/6affyf #
• Please. If Coakley loses, it's not some grand problem with Democrats. It's a problem with profoundly stupid voters. http://is.gd/6BYgE #
• And now E. O. Wilson writes fiction, too. http://bit.ly/7Awd1t #
• I don't much want to go out into the monsoon, but I need to get insulin for one of the cats. I can't believe I just wrote that. #
• Wait — that was sunshine! #
• Does Amy Lang do parties? #americanidol #
• I've posted something new:: All by myself http://bit.ly/6HZUv4 #
• This may be the martini talking, but I think “Better Off Ted” is the funniest thing on TV. Really. I’m serial. #
• I’m glad I got new tires last week. Let’s hope I don’t hydroplane on the way to the cafe. #rainageddon #
• I am next door to at North Park Adult Video http://loopt.us/1rEziw.t #
• Money is not speech. #
• Nutmeg. #
• Really? Hail? #
• When I was 15, I robbed a bank with a beebee gun. #
• RT @JasonReizen: I’m shocked that Fox News isn’t carrying the Hope For Haiti telecast. #notreallyshocked #
• Allison Janey in “Away We Go” — OMG. Hilarious. #
• @LauraRotolo Finally someone got that. in reply to LauraRotolo #
• There’s a guy wearing a rabbit fur coat at Pecs, and he’s not one of the drag queens. #
• “How does it feel to finally ride the hegmonic bulldozer?” Jonathan Lethem, Chronic City, p. 402 #
• RT @alexanderchee: Ran into Michael Cunningham while getting the membership tour at David Barton Gym, he told me to join. I…obeyed. #
• @alexanderchee He does have that strange star presence. in reply to alexanderchee #

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Rob is spending January in Johnson, Vermont, writing (and collaging and digging cars out of the snow and playing Pass the Pigs and hanging out at the pub, as well, it seems) at the Vermont Studio Center. This means, of course, that I am alone in San Diego. All by myself.

Please note that I’ve never lived alone. Ever. Having a single in college doesn’t count; I still had the dining hall and the guys next door. And an RA, though we called them “proctors” and “tutors.”

It’s a bit spooky here without Rob. The sounds I hear: Just the clunks of the ice-maker and the whoosh of the laundry machines, the occasional light thud of the mail arriving and the whirs of cars passing on the street, the tap-tap-scurry-tap of Hermia’s paws on the wooded floors and the bonk-scurry-thud of Jack running around in spasmodic bursts of energy, while Betsy makes no sound unless it’s a whiney meow. And then there’s my Droid ringing (it says “Droid” when I get a text message and plays the disco version of the Star Wars theme when someone calls) and whatever I’m watching on TV or listening to on my computer. Actually, “spooky” isn’t the right word. I think if the cats weren’t here, it would be spooky. They’re good company. Which means that I’ve become the sort of person who can survive on cats alone.

But I can’t. I really need to get out of the house. But I’m not. Here I am: Blogging. Which, by the way, I could be doing at a cafe. But I’m not.

I have been getting things done. Oddly. I’ve been powering through my to-do list, while also futzing around with the Internet. And other stuff.

What I’ve done since becoming a residency widower:

• I wrote grad school recommendations for two students and for another student, I wrote a recommendation for an internship application. I don’t mind writing them; it’s flattering to be asked But I do mind that they need me to write these things. I am a grad student who taught their critical writing classes. They should have actual faculty writing these things. But they attend UCSD, a school with classes so large and faculty so divorced from the undergraduate experience that only a tiny minority of undergraduates ever interact with professors in  meaningful ways. Teaching undergraduates is not a priority at UCSD.
• I finally finished my application for a doctoral dissertation grant from the National Science Foundation. What a bizarre process. I have applied for grants before, but nothing seems to be like the applications for federal money. I’m sure half of the weirdness is politically motivated nonsense having to do with “tax-payer money,” but the other half of the weirdness seems to be just government inefficiency. The website you use to submit the application is about as advanced as a homework assignment in a high school computer science class. An assignment that would earn a C+. And then getting it through the brilliantly efficient UCSD bureaucracy is just as mind-bending. But I guess if the process was actually simple and efficient thousands of people who manage these applications at universities, labs, think tanks, and agencies in DC, Maryland, and Virginia would lose their jobs. That would be a shame.
• I’ve been cleaning up Hermia’s poop. And her pee. The first few days after I got back from Boston, I kept finding puddles all over the house. Hermia, who is 19 and has dementia, has been pooping wherever she pleases for months, but her peeing has been mostly restricted to the litter box and the wee-wee pads around the box. But we went away for a week, and she was annoyed, so her only recourse was her pee — which she recoursed everywhere. After a while, she realized I wasn’t leaving again, and she decreased her radius. Still, half of our bedroom was covered in wee-wee pads. And she still was peeing constantly and drinking constantly, and Rob told me that this was the signs of a bladder infection. To the vet, we went. Oy. Within 30 minutes, I’d been told she had lost a pound and a half, had a “mass” in her abdomen, had smelly pee (an infection), and tell-tale signs of diabetes. She was doomed. I fell apart and conspired not to tell Rob until he got home or she started knocking on Heaven’s door, whichever came first. Then, after four days and two more vet visits, it turned out she didn’t have an infection, she didn’t and then did have diabetes, and finally, she didn’t have cancer: “It was just a fecal pellet.” Yeah. Now I’m giving Hermia insulin shots every day. And trying to manipulate her so that she decreases her pee radius. Again: Oy.
• There was the Massachusetts Senate election. That sucked some time from me. Not much, though. It was so depressing to watch happen, so I devoted only a few hours of my time commenting about it on Facebook. My conclusion: A bunch of frakkin’ idiots voted for a teabagger and will eventually regret it. I know. That’s deep analysis.
• I’ve been half-heartedly following the Prop 8 trial. I can’t devote too much attention to it, because I’ll lose myself in it, and I’ll get distractingly upset about every appalling thing the defendants say and do. I figured out during the original Prop 8 campaign in 2008 that the anti-gay marriage folks are a hideous combination of cruelty, stupidity, cynicism, and hypocrisy. They’re continuing to exhibit those qualities. They may be a little less successful, because they don’t have to impress California’s dumb-ass voters. They have to persuade a federal judge who has a reputation for, ya know, being smart. Meanwhile, Maggie Gallagher, who runs the Christian Right cultural terrorist organization known NOM, has been spitting out commentary on the trial that is so devoid of Christian charity that it beggars belief. I wish her the worst in life. If you want to follow along, there’s Andy Towle’s Federal Prop 8 trial hub.
• I’ve been watching a lot of movies. I still haven’t awarded the Golden Teddys for Most Excellence in Film, which I need to do before the Oscar nominations come out. All I need to see now are Up In the Air, Precious, The Last Station, and Crazy Heart. I really want to see The Informant!, but I can’t even find it on bittorrent.
• My Droid. I’ve been playing with my Droid. A lot.

• Could Joseph Gordon-Levitt be any more adorable than he is in “(500) Days of Summer”? #
• It’s too bad “Dollhouse” got awesome after it got cancelled. Olivia Williams, especially. #
• How did Albuquerque get on the Hollywood-Vancouver-Toronto-New York axis? Are they giving out awesome tax breaks or something? #
• Can someone explain to me why Jeff Zucker still has a job? #
• The Bengals were 7-2 when they hired homophobic thug Larry Johnson, and then they prompty went 3-5. Cosmic justice. #
• I’m watching movies with the cats. They’re not really paying attention. http://yfrog.com/3n8acqj #
• “The Messenger”: Not cheerful. #
• Our national nightmare is over: “NBC Confirms Leno Will Leave Prime Time…” http://bit.ly/6otOA6 #
• New post: “The 2009 Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Television” ( http://bit.ly/4TEvqO ) #
• Well, someone poured beer all over me, and in my ear. Yay: The Hole. #
• I am the prophet of Juniper Creek! #
• Okay, I made real tapioca pudding. Not instant. Oh. My. God. #
• Four overpaid assholes discuss how they destroyed the lives of the employees of AOL and Time Warner: http://bit.ly/7UUy03 #
• My blogs Twitter plug-in is being very weird. #
• RT @thegarance: Food for thought. wbur.org » CQ: Obama’s Winning Streak On Hill Unprecedented http://ow.ly/Vhfw #
• If you think gay marriage is evil and will destroy society, you have animus against gay relationships, and thus, gay people. DUH. #prop8 #
• Prof. Cott: Only those who can’t marry their partner of choice are aware that the ability to marry is an expression of one’s freedom. #prop8 #
• VAMP awesome at Whistle Stop Bar http://loopt.us/2iqOlg.t #
• George Chauncey is on the stand! And then the awesome Gregory Herek? I wish they’d call an anthropologist. But they won’t. Sigh. #prop8 #
• Why is the Jeremy Irons version of “Lolita” one of Netflix’s “local favoites” for my zip code? That is frakked up. #
• If you have access to the Gay & Lesbian Review, you must read “In Defense of Queer Theory” by Jason Schneiderman. #
• I’m not sure if I’d want to be “validated” by Victoria Beckham on American Idol — or anywhere else. #
• Clearly, based on the freaks on parade on Idol tonight, the South does have a monopoly on in-bred lunacy. Boston, really? Really? #
• OMG. Pat Ford has the same accent as Little Edie. #
• The way Kara and Victoria shifted in their seats in glee while watching the hot ginger waiter sing was positively dirty. #
• Kara, you bitch. #
• The guy with the broken wrists is teh awesome. #
• Can someone have a heartwarming story that doesn’t involve a disease-of-the-week? #
• Cancer Mormon is destined for the Men on a Mission calendar. #
• Prop 8 lawyers are claiming gays aren’t discriminated against. Since Will & Grace was hit. Yes, they’re that stupid. http://bit.ly/4Hje9x #
• I really wish I had some UCSD letterhead. I have recs to print out, and driving 20 minutes to do so is not my idea of a good time. #
• I took the shrinkwrap off of Jack Katz’s “How Emotions Work” and opened the book to find this. Discuss. http://yfrog.com/4euv1bj #
• My NSF application has been submitted and the IRB has formally approved my project. I can actually START DOING RESEARCH!!! #
• I watched 15 minutes of the news tonight, and it was so upsetting I had to turn it off. #
• Being validated by Mary J. Blige, however, would make my day. #
• You know, I could do without 143 delusional gay boys in he “look at how bad they are!” segments. #
• Tonight’s local news teaser: “Helping Haiti: What NOT to do.” #
• Where the Hell are all of the grad students? at Twiggs http://loopt.us/InWpug.t #

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Sorry for the delay. I’ve been busy. And this is the embarrassing Golden Teddy Award, because it shows just how much TV I watch.

Most Excellence In Happy Endings

Southland. The best new show of 2009, Southland was canceled not because of bad ratings but because it was too “gritty” for a 9pm time-slot, and NBC had given 10pm every day of the week to Jay Leno. (Yeah, that worked out.) Southland ended up on TNT, which is a cable channel, which means it can be as gritty as they want it to be. It’s easily one of the best cops shows I’ve ever seen. Plus, it has Ben McKenzie, who makes my knees weak. And having a complex gay cop played by the complex character actor Michael Cudlitz helps a lot.

Most Excellent Show About A Vampire

Tie!

The Glenn Beck Program. Okay, I don’t actually watch Glenn Beck. But he’s a vampire. And an evil one. Unlike the more complex ones in…

True Blood. As gruesome police procedurals like CSI were to the mid-00s, vampires were to 2008 and 2009. True Blood is the only good thing to come of this trend. And while it’s not “good” in the way that, say, Mad Men or Buffy the Vampire Slayer are, since it’s not really about anything other than what it is, it’s very good at what it is: Pulp. Sex, violence, comedy, love, and utter ridiculousness. It’s really, really fun.

Most Excellence In Family Fare

Modern Family. It’s rather hard to take something as cliched as the family sitcom and make it relevant and new and laugh-out-loud funny, but Modern Family does it. It has the absurdity of Arrested Development and 30 Rock, but it’s actually real — these people could and do exist. More or less. And it’s not mean, unlike so many other family sitcoms have been. These people love each other, even when they’re angry. It reminds me of Roseanne in that way. Also in the ways that there are complex gay people in it.

Most Excellence In Being 30 Rock But Set At the Monsanto Corporation

Better Off Ted. This show is ridiculously funny, an amazingly well-made absurdist satire of the modern corporation.

Most Excellent Show That Revolves Around One Excellent Performance

The Good Wife. Like The Closer, a close second in this category, the lead actress and her well-written lines take a rather cliched premise, in this case a woman lawyer going back to work after being a housewife, and turns it into something that transcends the genre. Julianna Margulies is AMAZING.

Most Excellence In Starting Out Very Bad, Getting Canceled, and Getting Really Good

Dollhouse. The first season was so, so, so very bad, but I was determined to stick with it, since Joss Whedon has never done me wrong before. And when it came back, shockingly, for a second season, it got better. But when Fox cancelled it, it got awesome. Once there was an ending in sight, they knew what to do. And they’re doing it with all the teh-awesome-ness available. Smartly, they’ve tamped down anything having to with Eliza Dushku’s supposed acting versatility and ramped up Olivia Williams and Fran Kranz, who are both fabulous.

Most Excellence in Starting Out “Meh” And Then Getting Really Good

Parks & Recreation. This is Part 1 of “We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful.” Three of people I was friendly with in college produce, write, or star in it, and I’m jealous that they’re rich and famous. But, damn, this is a funny show. Of course, it helps to have Amy Poehler and Aziz Ansari, who are comedy geniuses.

Most Excellence In Wish Fulfillment

Glee. The plots are absurd, but watching outcast fags and drama geeks get to be stars makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. The musical numbers are wonderful (as is the auto-tune!) and Jane Lynch is the best villain on TV.

Most Excellence In Guilty Pleasure

Smallville. This show also has benefited from seeing an end. It’s still not good — cheesy, badly acted low-budget silliness — but knowing the Lois (Erica Durance, who I ♥) and Clark are eventually going to end up together and stop living in Smallville gives the narrative some traction.

Most Excellence In OMG THIS IS SO BAD!!!!

The Beautiful Life. Honestly, I have never seen anything worse on television. Ever.

Most Excellence in Continuing Excellence

Mad Men. Every year, we get 13 Cheever short stories brought to life. It is the best show on cable, and one of the best things every put on TV. They have no censors, as clearly evidenced by this scene. Wow.

30 Rock. Comedy gold!

Lost. They know where it’s going. Still the best show on network television.

Damages. Evil and brilliant. And Part 2 of “We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful.”

Breaking Bad. It’s like The Sopranos will a moral compass. In New Mexico. Without Italians.

Fringe. The X-Files, but less annoying. Really.