Obligatory post for the Bible-thumping bigots, idiots, and liars who keep voting against me: Fuck you.
As far as I can tell, the gay marriage law was repealed in Maine for pretty much the same reasons that Prop 8 passed: The anti-gay forces are run by bigots and liars who are deft at whipping up mobs of religious and/or paranoid idiots. The good guys just don’t play as dirty as Frank Schubert, Maggie Gallagher, and Brian Brown, which makes us good, but it also means we are gonna lose a lot. And Barack Obama, our supposed savior, didn’t use his bully pulpit to help us out, because, as I’ve come to realize along with many other gay people who voted for him, his opposition to gay marriage is real. And — shocker! — when our rights are put to a vote, we lose. Almost always.
As Jesse Ventura said last night, “You can’t put a civil rights issue on the ballot and let the people decide. You have to have elected officials to who have courage to make the right decision. If you left it up to the people, we’d have slavery, depending on how you worded it.”
But when our lives aren’t run by mob rule, we do pretty well:
- We’ve pretty much conquered Hollywood.
- We’ve conquered academia.
- The press is ours.
- Book publishing? Ours!
- The governments of Western and Northern Europe? Ours!
- And considering how people under 40 feel in this country, the future is ours, too!
So, this is what I have to say to Frank Schubert, Maggie Gallagher, Brian Brown, the Catholic Church, LDS, to the born-again nut jobs who haven’t a clue what the Golden Rule means and to the people who think that telling children that gay people exist is something like terrorism: Fuck you.
Really: Fuck you. Fuck your lies. Your hypocrisy. Your cruelty. Fuck your pick-and-choose-only-the-most-bigoted-parts religion. Fuck your ignorance. Fuck your fear. Fuck you. Please: Eat shit and die. Fuck you. Very much.
The lyrics to Lily Allen’s song “Fuck You (Very Much)” really made me happy today.
Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
‘Cause we’re so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harborSo you say it’s not okay to be gay
Well, I think you’re just evil
You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
Your point of view is medievalFuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touchFuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touchDo you get, do you get a little kick
Out of being small minded?
You want to be like your father
It’s approval you’re after
Well, that’s not how you find itDo you, do you really enjoy
Living a life that’s so hateful?
‘Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
You’re losing control a bit
And it’s really distastefulFuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touchFuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touchFuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck youYou say you think we need to go to war
Well, you’re already in one
‘Cause it’s people like you that need to get slew
No one wants your opinionFuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touchFuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touchFuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
(Here’s the official video, and here’s the story about the one I’ve embedded. Those French kids are teh awesome.)
Is this immature? Well, maybe. But is it any more immature or ridiculous than claiming that my marriage hurts anyone? That we’re destroying civilization? That Jesus would have hated us, too? That’s not just immature. It’s divorced from reality. And for people who have no concept of reality, all you can do is say: Fuck you.
So: Fuck you.
What about us? The good guys? Well, one of my heroes, the former Wonkette Ana Marie Cox, tweeted this:
Woke up sad about #NoOn1? Fellow non-haters, sending out a little #glee to you: http://j.mp/8DY2Z (Maybe for next year’s HRC gala?)
P.S. My dad, a progressive, pro-gay, and very proactive Mainer left the following comment on the Bangor Daily News website:
During the campaign I made a practice of stopping at homes where Yes on 1 signs were posted and performed a small act of ‘bearing witness.’ I would ring the doorbell, excuse the interruption, and make the point that I wanted to see what a voter in contemporary America looked like who would publicly announce that they thought neither my son nor my god-daughter was equal to them in civil terms. The responses were as telling as the nastiness and smugness of so many of the comments posted here. Some people were simply stunned that I would perform such an act of conscience on their doorstep. Some cited Romans I to me. Others smiled their broad, born-again smiles seemingly treating me like a little child who didn’t know any better and could therefore be forgiven, or facilely informed me that God loved the sinner but not the sin. Given the work of the Catholic (oxymoron!) Church and all the other so-called christians in Maine and elsewhere who would seek to impose their personal religious views on members of my immediate family by denying them civil rights most of the rest of us enjoy, I take this first opportunity to renounce my Calvinist baptism. It won’t stop me from working to achieve the end of equality for all, but I can continue to do it without a designation that has, in recent years, become deeply objectionable to me because of the decidedly un-christian attitudes and acts of those similarly designated.
P.P.S. Sorry, Mom. I know that you hate it when I swear too much on my blog. But it was necessary today.
Tagged with Ana Marie Cox, Barack Obama, Brian Bond, Frank Schubert, Glee, Jesse Ventura, Lily Allen, Maggie Gallagher, Maine, Prop 8
23 comments
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Great post. Sometimes you just have to let the swear words fly. I agree about our playing nice and getting nothing; maybe we need to start fighting dirty ourselves.
Also, your dad ROCKS.
KA-POW!
You made my day, Bear. Who’d a thunk I could smile the day after the debacle, but then I’d never ever HEARD of Lily Allen before, but listening/watching the GayClic Collaboration version produced the same happy smiley feelings in me that any Gene Kelly or Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire clip always generates in me. It got me thinking how I could e-mail the clip to my local Baptist Church or beam the sound track to the local Christers with their proselytizing sandwich board on the state highway in front of their house where they periodically spew forth their venom on the motoring public. Hurrah for Lily Allen! And, Mom, if Ted has got you pegged right, lighten up on THIS one, at least; he’s our only youngest son, and we all believe in the First Amendment which is not only about free speech but freedom of (as well as FROM!) religion. Fuck you very much, indeed!
Can I just say how much I fucking HATE Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown. They are FUCKING evil scum who are making huge amounts of money being the professional anti-gay go-to “people.” I wish only the fucking worst for those two miserable fuckwits.
[...] Hendrik Gideonse, in a comment left on the Bangor Daily News. Gideonse is the father of JMG reader and fellow blogger Ted Gideonse. [...]
Hey, your Dad totally rocks!
…and parts of Down Under are ours too. Back in 1986 when the legislation to decriminalise homosexuality in NZ was before parliament, a lot of unpleasantness boiled to the surface – but the lawmakers did the right thing. And these days (while not absolutely perfect) we have civil unions, the Prime Minister hangs out (slightly awkwardly) with the drag queens during annual The Big Day Out event and no-one bats an eye, and my partner and I are accorded the respect one would expect in (nearly) every walk of life. A real tribute to a fair-minded society.
So there are those of us down who here feel gutted on your behalf over the recent turn of events – it’s grotesquely unfair and a cathartic ‘Fuck’ or two is well justified; don’t apologise. But it has been wonderful to see the groundswell of support from so many decent folk, so hold the thought that they are in ever-increasing numbers and keep looking forward – you’ll get there and hopefully soon.
And the nasties will be relegated to the rocks they originally slithered out from under!
Got here by way of Joe.My.God. Thank you for your swear-filled diatribe. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way. Oddly enough, Jesse Ventura is the voice of reason. Who would have guessed it?
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for posting this! Your words express my feelings perfectly. And after this weeks defeat, the music renewed my empty spirit. I can’t thank you enough! (and tell your dad he rocks!)
OK, here’s a second whack at the apple. I checked out the Wikipedia reference mentioned in Comments to “What He Said” and began to wonder. At least for the sake of argument, what’s wrong with thinking seriously about what might be called “A rose by any other name ” strategy?? What would be wrong with the idea of pursuing a marriage law wholly divorced from any religious connection (it might even be called a ‘marriage statute for gays and lesbians’) which would afford those who took advantage of it every single economic, legal, familial, other benefit now accruing to heterosexual marriage and which would be an entirely civil affair. I know separate isn’t equal, but think about it. That was for public facilities. Marriage is not a public facility; it’s an intensely personal and private matter with accompanying legal recognitions which make it work. During the campaign here in Maine I saw quite a few letters and had spirited and caring conversations with people who either believed domestic partner legislation achieved that end (I know, it doesn’t) or who said they would be comfortable with same (just don’t tamper with “traditional” marriage). OK, don’t. Just extend the same privileges and rights to gays under their own categorical legislation. That wouldn’t be second class; it would just be another equally effective form of another mode of transportation altogether. Initiatives like this would, it seem to me, separate out the more thoughtful opponents from those no amount of reason or data will ever reach; their modes of ratiocination are just as other-worldly as their theology. What say you all? Is this nuts??
Dad, you’re obviously a wonderful man, but I disagree with your suggestion. It’s akin to segregated schools, if you ask me. “you can go to your school, but you’re not allowed in mine!”. That’s unequal. That’s second class citizenship. And we are NOT second class (as you are obviously aware of).
But civil marriage is a public accommodation, if not a “facility.” And one can argue that creating an entire separate legal classification, and thus a system of laws and red tape, is creating another “facility.”
And it would be unequal unless the feds decided to pass a law that granted civil unions, domestic partnerships, and marriages the exact same rights. But then the question would be begged: Why call them different things? Just to make a bunch of bigots happy? Why is their happiness more important than my civil rights?
The issue is that the government grants civil marriage, not religious marriage. The government has no say in Catholic divorce dogma, for example. The state simply approves the contract, not the emotions or the ideology or the way that people behave in their marriage. So the government granting a civil marriage to two men or two women has nothing to do with anyone’s religion — it’s only about the law.
Civil unions are the attempt to create a separate but equal legal situation, and it was a laudable attempt to do the right thing, but as many people who have been union-ized can attest, civil unions do not offer the same legal benefits of marriage, not on the state or federal level (thus VT and CT ended their civil unions and granted marriage for all).
Allowing the state to grant same-sex marriage is not them tampering with “traditional marriage,” since traditional marriage doesn’t even exist, except in the rhetoric of the Religious Right. There is historical marriage, but the religious folks don’t want to remember that, historically, marriage laws were racist and misogynistic.
This debate will always bring out the crazies, but we should not be pandering to them with the law.
For those people who like the idea of equality but can’t seem to be actually in favor of it, they need to have civics lessons. And I’m serious. They need to be taught what the state does and what religions do. They need to know that the state granting me and Rob a legal designation has nothing to do with anyone but me and Rob and the state.
Hey, John, from MN, try to at least entertain breaking the frame. Schools are one thing, marriages another. No sane person wants in on another’s marriage; they want their own! Separate but equal as I said applies to public facilities and the exclusion of designated classes from one set or another. What I’m asking us to think about is whether the concept and the civic dangers associated with SBE are at all pertinent to the debate about marriage. I’d never thought about it until yesterday. I’d like to see a lot of people think about it and see what and where we might imagine the movement getting with it. I think for example, the court route has promise, even given the current composition of the Supreme Court. But surely we can multi-task on this quest. Who knows, the opponents might eventually get nibbled to death by all us ducks!
Dad, the marriage isn’t the facility. The government is. By creating different designations — different laws — for classes of people, you are creating different means of access to the government. This will always be unequal. The thing is: We have been trying to do the SBE equal thing for 15 years, from DP laws to civil unions. We all believed that it was better and easier and less scary to ask for SBE. That was how we made a lot of progress in VT and CT and NJ. And that’s what we have in CA and WA now. But it’s still unequal, both legally and culturally. I’d rather a civil union than nothing, but that’s not the point. So, it’s worth thinking about, of course, but we did that thinking in the 90s.
OK, Ted, you’re beginning to do what what I think I’m asking for. I think, though, it’s important to keep clear the distinction between substance and form here. For example, does anyone really care what something is called as long as it smells as sweet??? Your last sentence, its seems to me, is the most pregnant one here. If the “state granting me and Rob a legal designation has nothing to do with anyone but me and Rob and the state” it is by definition separate and equal, which seems to me the point. I’m even more convinced that this is ripe for more attention.
My excuse, bear, is that I’m laid up recovering from major surgery. [heh heh don't you have a dissertation or something you should be working on???
]
Ooooof! Decorous way of labeling me an old fart, if I do say so. Anyhoo, remember you’re looking for an eventual win here, and that will take persuading a court or creating a democratic majority. Ventura may be right, but the simple (double entendre intended) majority vote tallied Tuesday needs to be supplanted by a different one.
“For example, does anyone really care what something is called as long as it smells as sweet???”
The answer is yes. We care. You were at the wedding. If we had called it a “ceremony to be civil unionized” it would have meant something different. Names and designations matter, a lot. I spent three years helping do ethnographic fieldwork on gay marriage here in San Diego. Calling it a marriage is very, very, very important, both emotionally and legally. When it comes to marriage, substance and form are one. Legally separating the two by creating two supposedly equal things places meaning on those two things, and that meaning will always be better for straight marriages than gay civil unions. It will mean that straight people will think their unions are better, and it will mean that gay people will think that their unions are worse. The political decision to go for DPs and civil unions are one thing. It may make more sense in certain states. For the time being. But the designations are hugely different — culturally, psychologically, and emotionally.
I love that Dan Savage posted this on his blog! Yay!
I think that there needs to be a clear separation drawn between the religious and legal concepts of marriage. If right-wing religious nuts want to protect “traditional marriage,” then all legal advantages, rights, and privileges given to married people by the government ought to be removed. Marriage must be seen as either a religious institution OR a legal one, but not both.
My partner and I ought to be able to have access to the same legal benefits & rights as other couples, no matter what our relationship is called. Personally, I’m not all that crazy about the idea of being “married.” I grew up with divorced parents who hated each other, remarried, and then hated their new spouses, too. I’m not sure I know any straight couples who are happily married. I’m fine with my relationship the way it is, as long as I get the legal perks the married folks receive. At the same time, I respect the fact that to other people, the label of marriage is very important. I don’t think the idea of SBE is ideal, but I think it’s a step in the right direction. To me, this is one of those instances of not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good, or the good-enough-for-now.
dear Maine:
“dear maine…
1) ALL of you YES’rs who Voted away the RIGHTS of LGBT Mainers…I HOPE you Posed Gleefully in the Many pictures that WERE taken during this eventFUL Election….those VERY PICTURES WILL BE USED years from Now (they ARE part of the PUBLIC record) to show the REAL Ignorance of Voting on People’s Rights…..Just like the pictures of George Wallace & Others from 40-50yrs ago denying Equality to THE BLACK POPULATION (we’ve all see’m in History Books) and Some of You People will be Lucky enough to be the Headliners in Future History Books, and YOU WILL BE pictured THERE IN ALL YOUR GLORY on the WRONG SIDE of History for ALL the WORLD to SEE….Forever Splayed out in beautiful color / and some in black & white…I hope you were Smiling, …so act SMUG now cause’ …..what a day that will be, as you bring Shame down on your Future Generations & Families!
2) MAINE, YOU HAD a REAL Chance to SHOW the REST of the United States of America what REAL Equality for ALL it’s Citzens looks like & is about…a REAL Chance to STAND OUT AND UP & be the 1st state EVER IN AMERICA to VOTE Equality into Law..and You BLEW IT! Now you are JUST ANOTHER STATE, like the Many others who have sided with Bigotry and Discrimination…you’re NOTHING SPECIAL..you’re JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! YOU BLEW IT!
Hey, all, check out Geoffrey Stone in November 6, 2009 Huffington Post “Same Sex Marriage and the Meaning of Words.”
This is a fucking cool post.
Thank you for sharing it. You perfectly express something that many, many people are feeling right now.
We will never give up the fight for basic rights and freedoms!
I never heard of Lily Allen before seeing this video. Thanks for posting it! It certainly captures how I felt on election night. Btw, from what I can here you seem to have a really cool dad!!! Glad to have found your site…
Mom says it is okay to swear in this situation. xo